Postal Robbery

I hadn't even checked out the new Intel ads until I was alerted to this. Turns out that the Apple/Intel add is a shot by shot remake of the Postal Service's Such Great Heights music video. Evidently the same director was commissioned for both works but such permission was not granted by the band:

It has recently come to our attention that Apple Computers' new television commercial for the Intel chip features a shot-for-shot recreation of our video for 'Such Great Heights' made by the same filmmakers responsible for the original. We did not approve this commercialization and are extremely disappointed with both parties that this was executed without our consultation or consent. -Ben Gibbard, The Postal Service

But, like Only the Good Die Young, it's been good publicity for the Postal Service as Such Great Heights is now the number one downloaded video on the iTunes music store despite being shot in 2003. Still, say it with me: Pleeaaase.

End of the Line

Well, the Chuckster's remarkable run came to an end after a three-set loss to an overpowering Kim Clijsters yesterday. It looked like it might go down to a tie-break but Clijsters finally found her backhand. However, not a bad result for someone who hasn't played tennis for three years. It's obvious that although intelligence will get the Chuckster far, she's really going to have to do something about that second serve. It's obvious that she has no problems breaking other players' serves but she needs to have a few free points on serves of her own.

Anyway, glad to have the old girl back. Here's why:

• Serve and volley!
• No grunting! No fist pumping after your opponent hits an error into the net. Please take notes other WTA and ATP players. To imagine that people once took offense at the Chuckster's smiling ...
• Beautifully timed lob shots. Just gorgeous.
• Finally, some thinking on the court. It's nice to see a player try to construct a point for a change rather than to go for winners on every point by hitting it as hard as she can.
• The way she moves opponents up and down the court as well as side to side.
• Beautiful tear drop shots.
• The courage to move in despite the fact that she's one of the shortest players on the tour. Sharapova and Hantuchova with those large wingspans should be moving in on every other point. I think the Chuckster moved in more times than the entire tour combined during her first four matches.
• The constant motion in her game. Just compare her movement versus her opponent or other players on the tour (including the men sans Federer). She is constantly moving to predict where they're going to hit the ball. She never assumes that anything is going to be a winner and naturally moves to the most probable spot that a counter punch will be made. If she's ever able to graft her mind into somebody like Sharapova or one of the other heavy hitter-small thinkers the mutant would be unstoppable. Serena used to have this court savvy, too before she turned into Butterfly McQueen.

Ending our do you care coverage are selected quotes from the Sharapova-Petrova match i.e. battle of the angry Russian women who hate each other. The match featured 15 double faults in the first set, more errors than you can shake a stick at, and, most importantly, proof that Nadia Petrova is crazy and can get mad if you blankly stare at her the wrong way. It's clear that if more players were like this the Chuckster would really have her way. Unfortunately, she'll also have to deal with players like Clijsters, Sharapova, and the devious Double-H-Lady.

"These are not two happy women." (Tim Ryan, I think)

"Petrova can't wait for Sharapova to fall apart — she's already fallen apart: 27 unforced errors in the first set alone. Hingis has 27 unforced errors throughout 4 matches." (Mary Jo Fernandez)

"She holds, again, with help from Petrova." (Tim Ryan)

"When things don't go her way, she [Petrova] tends to retire." (Mary Jo Fernandez)

"So you're adding hypochondria to that list." (Tim Ryan commenting after graphic was displayed of all the times Petrova retired during matches in 2005.)"

"And that's long from" insert player here.

Finally, it's finally happened. I've cracked. This can go on no longer: PLEASE STOP GRUNTING! Thank you. That is all.

What a Match!

Just finished watching the Chuckster beat Sam Stosur 6-1, 7-6 (10-8). In the second set, no one could hold their serve and it went to one of the best tie-breaks I've seen in a while — including a 31-hit rally. Quite glad that I GBPVR'ed this one. In the second set both players played hard with Stosur bringing some power (finally!) against the Chuckster's serve and Chucky countering with a dizzying array of spins, lobs, and drops. It's so refreshing to see this type of thinking game after something like the Sharapova-Hantuchova affair (or as Mary Carillo said, the Battle of the Cutie Pies) where balls were mercilessly being pounded against other.

Anyway, the weakness of the Chuckster's serve was put to the test here and it lost miserably. It's going to be interesting to see how it fairs again Clijster's in the quarterfinals. With a healthy Clijster's, this one would be a no-brainer, but look for a great three-setter here.

Some more stuff to ponder from the Do you care? category.

• Be careful, Blog — I think that Kobe Bryant reads Welcome to Blog.
• Why is Maria wearing a sleeping gown/tent dress during her matches?

  

Lastly, in our great zingers department we forgot to mention Lleyton Hewitt's comment on Dominik Hrbaty's ensemble for last year's U.S. Open and the current Australian Open. First, the ensemble (note the back.)

Now, the quote: "I just couldn't lose to a bloke wearing that shirt." As much as we love hating Hewitt around here, hi-larious!

Unspoken Expectations

Long time Phooeyhoo readers may remember our review of Cyndi Lauper's hilarious 80s music video for Goonies 'R' Good Enough. Those unlucky enough to not have the video playing non-stop in their homes can now rejoice for we have converted it!

You'll need an MPEG-4 codec, though. I don't think it comes standard with WMP but QuickTime and VLC should natively support it. Enjoy!

Return of the Chuckster

The Chuckster is back! Hooray! Although most tennis fans can't stand The Chuckster (aka Martina Hingis), I've always loved what she brought to a game that can sometimes challenge golf for, "Meh!" The Chuckster brings intelligence in terms of her playing, the uncanny ability to dissect opponents during a match, and (best of all) then making astringent comments about them after a match.

Here are some thoughts about The Chuckster and this year's Australian Open.

• The Chuckster's playing is so refreshing in this world of 40+ unforced errors during a match (see Venus Williams [65 in her first round loss], Serena Williams [45 in her first round match], Maria Sharapova [averaging about 20 per set], Kim Clijsters [45 in her second round match], Mary Pierce [too many to count in her second round loss], Lindsay Davenport [20 in the first set of her third round match], et al.). I don't remember the last time somebody had 7 unforced errors for an entire match. Glad to see that "Old Lady Hingis", as Mary Carillo calls her, still has game. And the draw has opened up for her, too. If she can beat down an injured and error prone Kim Clijsters in the quarter finals then there's nothing for miles around except the Mental Headcase otherwise known as Amelie Mauresmo. Mauresmo's power game will be too much for our beloved Chuckster but if she can force a third set and start getting into her head, well, we all know that Mauresmo is no mental giant.


• Speaking of headcases, poor Vera Zvonerava brought down crying during her first round match against The Chuckster. We know you're losing to somebody twice your age who hasn't played tennis in four years but, still, get it together. Somebody give that poor girl a hug and a shrink.


• As mentioned earlier, we all love the veiled trash-talking that The Chuckster engages in. So many of the post game interviews are as banal as dishwater. The unexciting kind. The WTA might just want to hire Rasheed Wallace to stand in: "It was a good match. Both players played hard." Such an interview would be par for the course. Not so with the Chuckster.

  I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports."

  On Amelie Mauresmo: She travels with her girlfriend, she is half a man." Hingis denies this quote but her denial was just as hilarious: A half-man? Why would I say that ... she has got a lot of top spin and it's not ... that she is a man but she plays really like a man, the way she plays."

  The very best, though. Hingis on what made her contemplate a comeback (I'm paraphrasing here): I thought if someone like Myskina could win the French Open then I definitely have a chance.

• While we're on quotations, we all know that Jelena Dokic's father is crazy. We just didn't know how crazy. After threatening to kidnap Jelena (to whom he is now estranged) he said:

  "I thought about dropping a nuclear bomb on Sydney since Jelena lost int he first round this week, for which Australia is to blame ... I have even thought about killing an Australian in revenge, but I wouldn't gain anything from it ... Australia is a spoiled nation. They can expect my revenge."

  Think about this the next time you're angry at your parents. At least they didn't force you to play ever since you were four, attend all of your matches and harass you to the point where you get a restraining order and take citizenship in another country to be rid of then, and then they still threaten to bomb countries that you lose in.


• People wonder why the Russian women are so angry at Sharapova. Why wonder? I'd be pissed off too if somebody who has won as many grand slams as I have (see Kuznetsnova and Myskina) yet makes $23 million a year on endorsements while I can't even get Rod's Bagel Shop to sponsor me because compared to her I look like the bride of Frankenstein. (Russian players be careful! If Maria Kirelenko gets any good, you're really going to get angry.)


• So much for the Chinese invasion. All seven Chinese players lost by the second round. Oh, well. At least we'll always dominate diving! Huzzah!


• Sadly, our Sesil Karatancheva watch ends. We were very hopeful after she beat Venus Williams at the French last year. Perhaps a new Queen of Trash-Talk would emerge and challenge the Chuckster. Alas. The 15 year old was 'roiding it up and got a two year ban. Thankfully, she left us with a great quotable. Her reason for testing positive for 'roids? "I was pregnant at the time." Nice!!!!


• I wish Roger Federer was an ass or a hairy robot (see Sampras, Pete) because he seems like someone you should hate. Game comes naturally to him. No coach. But, dammit, he's such a nice guy and he's so unpretentious. And, frankly, I'd rather have him be good then, say, Lleyton Hewitt.


• Speaking of Lleyton Hewitt, say it with me: WTF was Kim Clijsters thinking?!?


• Why, Serena?!? Why?!? Why?!? Why?!?

And to wrap things up:

Do You Care?

• Do you care that Maria Sharapova lost to the eventual champion at all four grand slams last year?


• Do you care that The Chuckster got her name from Mary Carillo who dubbed her Chucky for the smile she bears while tearing opponents a new one?


• Do you care that approximately 160,000 ice cream cones are eaten in two weeks at the Australian open?


• Do you care that with temperatures in mid 100s that Brad Gilbert isn't wearing pants while commentating?


• Do you care that Trainersoft 8/9 bites my shiny metal ass?

It's True

We all look the same.

Phooeyhoo Tutorial #2 — Capturing Hard Streaming Files

Okay, I just discovered a piece of software that's going to make this 10 times easier than I thought it was going to be.

Remember that last time we talked about grabbing easy-peasy streaming files. That is, those that pretty much give you their server and URLs which we then punch into Net Transport and go home happy. Well, what if you want to capture something harder? Suppose something that even plays in its own web video player so you never have the option of downloading its source .ram file or even inspecting the file to find out the URL. If you don't have the URL then you're out of luck. Well, this used to be pretty hard. The trick was to get a piece of packet sniffing software and then monitor the incoming packets into your computer. These packets would then need to be decoded to decipher the URL. Well, we don't need to do that anymore.

Indeed, to do it now all you need to do is grab the demo version of WM Recorder. Yep, you don't even need the full version because we're going to use the WM demo to grab our URL and Net Transport to grab the file. As in all good math texts, let's do an example! (WM will grab URLs of videos that play using WMV. On the same page you can find RM Recorder which is for Real Video/Audio files.)

Let's say you want to download the latest and greatest music video from Yah*** Musique. Right, you say. Why the hell would anybody want to do that when all that's on these days is crap? Okay, fine. Let's say we want to grab the classic Rilo Kiley video for The Frug. Going to Y Musique we do a search and voila — there it is. Okay, start by launching up WM Recorder and when the nag screen appears tell it that we just want to run it in demo mode. It'll tell you we're limited to 2 minutes of recording but we just want to grab the URL so that's just fine by us.

It should default in PRO mode but if not, just enable this option. This means that whenever it detects anything trying to stream something to your computer, it's going to grab the URL in that URL box. Well, you can guess what's next.

Clicking on my The Frug video, the Y Musique player pops up and starts loading. By the way, we need to use Internet Exploder for this because Firefox 1.5 doesn't like loading the Y and Formerly Ted Turner Musique Players.

Crap. An ad is playing you say. That's okay. The important thing to check is if WM Recorder correctly grabbed a URL. Let's look:

Nice. It did. But we'll ignore this one for now. (Unless you want to download the ad. If that's the case, grab the URL and download, baby!) Sometimes you have to wait for two or three ads, but that's okay. Like Hesse's Siddhartha we have the gift of patience. Ah, there we go.

Now, grab that URL. Once again, you must grab the whole darn thing. Then go into Net Transport like you did in Tutorial #1, paste in the URL and you will be rewarded.

Ultima V: Lazarus

I'm late with this, but this is amazing news for anybody who has followed the Ultima modding community. Some of you may know that I still consider Ultima VII and VII: Part 2 to be the two best computer games ever made. Over the years, many people have tried to remake old Ultima games with new graphics engines. With the exception of Exult, most of the remakes/mods are plagued with death from the moment that they begin either from programmer ennui or EA.

Well, the fine folks at Lazarus have stopped this trend releasing the best Ultima mod ever. Okay, it's also the only one but, hey, there you go. What's amazing with what they've done is it plays like an Ultima, something that Origin never was able to capture with Utlima VIII and IX. Anyway, I'm playing through it now and can't believe how good it is. It's a huge (550 MB) but must download for anyone into Ultima or RPGs in general. It does require the original Dungeon Siege to play, but that costs about five bucks anyway. Full review later, after I finish the game.

Shit May No Longer Stink

Here.

Phooeyhoo Tutorial #1 — Capturing Easy Streaming Files

In my past life as a techie I acquired a few skills with this thing called a kom-puter that I take for granted but that some people find fascinating. So in this semi-regular feature to Phooeyhoo.com, I'll write up tutorials for these skills. For lack of a better phrase I'm calling these Phooeyhoo Tutorials. Okay, the name stinks. Anyone who can think up of a better name gets a free Chicago style hot dog the next time we're both in Chicago at the same time.

Anyway, this is one I get a lot. How does one go about capturing streaming audio/video off of the Internet without have to resort to audio capture cards or external gimmicks? In this first tutorial, we'll deal with the easy case. That is, when it's easy to find the server of the streaming content. This is generally how NPR, public radio stations, etc. send out their content. The only thing you need is one easy piece of software called Net Transport. Tomorrow (or the next day, depending on when I feel like writing it) I'll deal with the more complicated case of grabbing stuff from a server that doesn't really want you to grab stuff (AOL music, Yahoo! music, etc.). Obviously, this should only be used to grab content for non-profit and educational purposes :-).

The first thing you'll need to do is grab a copy of Net Transport. It's freeware but you should definitely donate to the author if you use it a lot as it's a good program. Install it with the default settings.

Okay, let's say you want to grab some content from a show like This American Life. Specifically, the David Sedaris holiday special.

On this page, you would usually click the Real Player icon which would launch your Real Player application and then stream the file for you. Instead of doing that we're going to save the .ram file which This American Life (and NPR and other "easy" sites) give us. So right-click on the link and choose Save Link As ... (Save Target As... in Internet Exploder) as I've done in the following screen shot.

It will prompt you where to save this file. Save it to your desktop, C Drive, whatever. Just make sure you remember where you put it and what it's called. (You may want to create a new folder and shove it in there so you're certain it's the only file in that folder.)

Okay, now you need to open up that file with a text editor. Note that Microsoft Word is not a text editor. Easiest one to use is Notepad so launch that. Now, open a file (Ctrl+O or File --> Open) and browse to the directory where you saved the file. You'll notice that it won't appear. That's because Notepad is looking for text files. To change this, change Files of type: to All Files as in the screen shot below.

Your file should now be visible. Open it up. You should see something similar to this:

Your file may look a little different depending on where you got it from. The important thing to note is a URL that looks like this: rtsp://yadayadayada.rm. Note the important things that I bolded. Here's an exercise. What's the relevant URL for this file? Give up? The answer is (highlight for the answer):

rtsp://real.npr.na-central.speedera.net:80/real.npr.na-central/me/20040603_me_16.rm

Okay, now you need to copy this URL to the clipboard. Highlight the ENTIRE URL and either do a Ctrl+C or Edit --> Copy. It is patently important that you get the ENTIRE URL. Not a part of it. Also, note that sometimes when highlighting Notepad may add an extra "space" to the end of the URL. You must make sure this does not happen or else the file will not download. So get the entire URL without any redundant spaces.

Now you need to launch Net Transport. Once Net Transport is running, right click the main frame (the one that has Name, Size, Completed, et al.) and choose New Download.

If you've done everything correctly, Net Transport should read your clipboard and automatically enter in the URL. Check the URL to make sure it is correct. Especially check for that extra space at the end of the URL. If the URL isn't entirely correct, the shit ain't gonna fly.

Now click okay. If you've done everything correctly, your file should start downloading.

If you left the settings alone, your file should be sitting in your C drive ready for your listening pleasure.

Okay, that's it for today. Next time I'll show you how to get those annoying files that don't specify their streaming server and file name.

Recolored

This is the funnest tool I've played with since Virtual Painter. Best of all, the beta is free! It's an easy (and rather quick) way to add color to b&w images and drawings. I've used it to make people different shades of purple. The artists out there might find it a nice way to colorize their b&w drawings without spending hours in Photoshop.

Phooeyhoo 2.0

Well, the new Phooeyhoo 2.0 skeleton is up! Hope that everybody likes the new design. I decided to go back to the original blue theme of Phooeyhoo 1.0 and away from the green of Phooeyhoo 1.5. Content from the main Phooeyhoo page will be back up soon, just in case you have a hankering for reading Ed Magillicutty's biography!

The Worst (And Most Hilarious) Thing Ever Sung

Everybody knows that Lucia Popp's Queen of the Night is unmatched. How does Florence Foster Jenkins fair?

Click here if you dare to find out!

If you haven't died of deafness or laughter, compare it with Popp's version!

Photos!

I finished installing Gallery 2 on the new server and it's up and running. View the photos here. I'll post more this week as time allows.