The Eight Day of Buddhaca

The eighth night of Buddhaca is very special. First of all, we celebrate our freedom from impermanent objects by freeing a friend of one of their cows. So on this night, go over to a friend's house and free them from a cow.

After this celebration of cow-freedom, the elder leads everyone in the Sphata Punch. The elder takes his right arm, brings it back and punches the air as if annhilating ignorance whilst shouting "Sphata!!!" The entire congregation follows the elder's lead. Ten times this manuever is repeated. Ten.

Afterwards, the congregation sits six hours of zazen. This endeth the eighth day of Buddhaca.

The Seventh Day of Buddhaca

On the seventh night of Buddhaca we celebrate the Fire Sermon of the Buddha. On this night, set something on fire. 30 blows if you do, 30 if you don't. Then sit zazen for five hours. That is all.

The Sixth Night of Buddhaca

Tonight, for the sixth night of Buddhaca, celebrate hi hoa (harmony). In Vietnamese Buddhist teachings, it is essential to have hi hoa in one's practice. For example, your body may wish to sit zazen, but your mind may wish to eat nuts and drink beer. Obviously, this is not practical for enlightenment. Other times, your mind may wish to sit zazen but your body wishes to run around naked in the snow. This also is not compatible with the road of enlightenment. Similarly, hi hoa also dictates that we make the most of our time now for practice. For example, later on in life your mind and body may be ready to sit zazen but, unfortunately, you have Alzheimer's which thus impedes the practice.

On this holy night of Buddhaca extinguish two candles (one from last night and one for tonight for remember last night you were to do nothing — if someone extinguished last night's candle they get thirty blows) and contemplate the lesson of hi hoa (anyone actually contemplating should be given a swift slap to the face). The congregation then sits zazen for five hours. This endeth the sixth night of Buddhaca.

The Fifth Night of Buddhaca

Those of you following this great made up historical moment (i.e. Nicole) may have been confused with what to do with the fifth night of Buddhaca, i.e. last night. Well, in a moment of insight it was decided that the fifth night of Buddhaca is to be dedicated to nothing. Do nothing during this night. Indeed, do nothing and get thirty blows. Don't do nothing and get sixty. That is all.

Merry Christmas—err Happy Buddhaca—to All

Buddhaca — The Festival of Silence

With all of the made-up holidays running around these days such as Festivus and Kwanzaa, Nicole asked me if us Buddhists celebrated any holidays around this time of year. I was at a loss to name any Buddhists holidays. I know that we celebrate the gates of Hell opening sometime in September for the hungry ghosts but that's about it. A quick Internet search revealed that Bodhi Day falls on the 8th of December. This was absolutely no good! Hence, to remedy the fact that there are no long Buddhist festivals around this time of year, I bring you Buddhaca!

BUDDHACA — THE FESTIVAL OF SILENCE

Since Buddhaca is a relatively new holiday, you and your family may be tempted to use great creativity in your observance of the holiday. You might think that it would be fun to setup your home in a meaningful way to observe Buddhaca. Around the Christmas tree, Kwanzaa alter, and menorah you may think that it would be cute to put up little Buddhist statues. This would be entirely not in the spirit of Buddhaca! Buddhaca is the Festival of Silence and meditation and must be observed as such. Hence, anybody observing Buddhaca with a hint of festivity must be immediately given "the thirty blows of Obaku."

There are nine days in Buddhaca and since 9 > 8 > 7 in the chain of natural numbers, this makes Buddhaca the bestest holiday of them all (but in accordance with Buddhist teachings, anybody making this claim gets thirty blows. But in the same spirit, anybody who does not make this claim also gets thirty blows — which will it be, young mendicant?). Each day in Buddhaca honors something in Buddhism that the creator of this holiday thinks is important, or at least sounds cool, or at the very least involves chanting of a cool Sanskrit word whilst punching the air in an effort to approach the greatness of the Harambee Salute.

Since we try to extinguish the inner egoic mind, instead of lighting candles, candles are extinguished during the festival. To start the festival gather nine skull candles. Light all nine of your skull candles (skulls to remind us of the impermanence of life) and on every night, extinguish one of the candles. It does not matter the order of extinguishing the candles. Anybody who makes a fuss over this should immediately be given thirty blows with a shippe.

The First Day of Buddhaca (December 24) — Bodhi Svaha

On the first night of Buddhaca, extinguish one of the skull candles and celebrate the oneness of the Bodhi Svaha. (Anybody actually celebrating the Bodhi Svaha gets thirty blows.) Bodhi Svaha means "to the other shore" — the shore of enlightenment that all beings in the triple world strive to get to. After the extinguishing of the candle, the Prajnaparamita Sutra should be read silently by all of the participants. Anybody who utters a sound immediately gets a blow from the shippe.

To celebrate the ending of ignorance, someone should ask the elder a question related to Bodhi Svaha. For example: "Why do we need to get to the other shore?", "What's on the other shore?", "Are there tacos on the other shore?" This person should immediately be slapped in the face by the elder and everybody should proceed to sit zazen silently for five hours. Thus endeth the first day of Buddhaca.

The Second Day of Buddhaca (December 25) — Da da da

Anybody who relates this day to a German techno song should immediately be given the thirty blows of Obaku. Proceed as in the first day, except this time the questioner should ask something about the Da da da theme such as "What did Eliot mean in What the Thunder Said?" or "Why are we chanting this?" The elder should immediately smash a banana in the questioner's face. The congregation proceeds to sit five hours of zazen. Thus endeth the second day of Buddhaca.

The Third Day of Buddhaca (December 26) — Sunyata

To celebrate the day of Sunyata (no-mind), nobody is allowed to utter a word or even a thought. Hence, the entire congregation should silently sit zazen all day. Anybody uttering a word or thought is given thirty blows. Anybody not uttering a word or thought is given sixty. Thus endeth the third day of Buddhaca.

The Fourth Day of Buddhaca (December 27) — The Remembering of the Hungry Ghosts

To celebrate the Remembering of the Hungry Ghosts, foods should be placed on the Buddhaca alter during the morning. Anybody eating this food should immediately be punched in the stomach with great and loving compassion. During the evening festivities, the Prayer on the Occasion of Feeding the Hungry Ghosts should be read:

If one wishes to know all the Buddhas of the past, present, and future, one should contemplate the nature of this Dharmadhatu essentially as the creation of Absolute Mind.
Adoration to the Buddhas in the ten quarters;
Adoration to the Dharma pervading the ten quarters; Adoration to the Sangha in the ten quarters;
Adoration to Sakyamuni the Buddha who is our Master; Adoration to Kwanzeon the Bodhisattva, who is the great compassionate and pitying one, ready to save beings from afflictions;
Adoration to Ananda the Arhat who is the expounder of the Teaching.
Namu sabo totogyato boryakite, yen!
Sammola sammola, un!
Namu suryoboya totogyatoya tojito, yen!
Suryo suryo boya suryo boya suryo, somoko!
Namu samanda motonan, ban!
Adoration to Hoshin the Tathagata;
Adoration to Taho the Tathagata;
Adoration to Myoshishin the Tathagata;
Adoration to Kohashin the Tathagata;
Adoration to Rifui the Tathagata;
Adoration to Kanroo the Tathagata;
Adoration to Omito the Tathagata.
Namu omitoboya totogyatoya,
Toniyato,
Omiritsubomi,
Omirito,
Shitabomi,
Omirito bigyaratei,
Omirito bigyarato gyamini,
Gyagyano shitogyari

After the prayer is read, one of the congregation should ask a question relating to the hungry ghosts. A bowl of food on the alter should be immediately hoisted at this person. The congregation should proceed to sit five hours of zazen. Thus endeth the fourth day of Buddhaca.

More to come...

Delayed Post #1 — Harambee!

When it was announced that The Boondocks was going to be turned into a TV series, I did a silent fist pump. With all the "uh — so what" comics out there this was one that was guaranteed a laugh or at least a — well, it didn't work but at least he tried! Most impressive was Granddad's hijinks from not turning on the heat (what do you think those coats, hats, and scarves are for?!?) to his Fony Funstation antics. I can only hope to one day capture his cantankerousness.

Unfortunately, the TV series has, well, stunk out loud. The voices are too high, the anime style doesn't really work for this type of cartoon, and the stories haven't been really that funny and sometimes are just too weird. Consider, for example, the episode where Granddad naively dates a prostitute. It was so boring that I fell asleep during the first five minutes. (Hey, so did Nicole!) Then there was a somewhat promising episode about prison rape that ended in a shootout at a 7-11 type store. Weird. And, worst of all, no really laugh out hilarious moments with the brief exception of a few Uncle Ruckus moments.

Thankfully, the Christmas episode almost made up for all of that. The anime style actually was quite pretty for the snow-falling scenes and I think they've finally come to a realization that they don't have to do split "Lane" shots for every scene. The script is at least coherent and we have our first laugh out hilarious moment of the series. I leave you all this morning with The Harambee Salute!

We're Back ... Again!

Okay, the problem with the %1 error looks like it's finally been fixed and we're back! Tons of posts that were to be posted will be posted including ... a new made up holiday?!? Stay tuned!

We're Back

Well, with the exception of a problem with PHP scripts (hence no banner pictures for now), we've moved to our new server location. Huzzah!