The Dark Side of File Sharing

Pssst! Don't tell anyone. We've all heard of Kazaa. We know it blows goats. We know it installs tons of spyware on our computers. But have you heard of K++ Lite that doesn't install spyware and even purports to install an anti-RIAA port scanner? And on top of this it connects to the same network that Kazaa does?

Well, download it here (link near bottom of page). Needless to say, installing it will cause both of your eyeballs to fall out. Shhhh! Don't tell the RIAA.

Einstein Diary

Princeton University librarians have found a diary written by Johanna Fantova detailing conversations that she had with Eintstein during the latter part of his life in Princeton. Article here. Unfortunately, the manuscript is in German but hopefully an English translation will be forthcoming.

Coming to Grips with Technology

Yesterday, as the Red Line pulled out of the tunnel heading north, I tuned into something that happens everyday but, until now, I had never closely examined. Everybody from a 13 year old girl to a 65 year dotard pulled out their cell phones to check for messages and make calls. It happened in an instant and yet its intensity was so great that it made me cringe. One moment, silence, and then the abrupt sound of 20 cell phones being whipped out and then a multitude of calls being made. "Hey, just out of the tunnel." "What's for dinner tonight?" "I ain't doing shit!" "Drinks tonight at 8?"

This bothered me and the fact that it bothered me bothered me. If I'm not making any sense it's because I don't understand it myself. The hilarity of it all is that I am partly paid to seek out, evaluate, and implement technologies such as cell phones, Blackberrys, etc. Yet, there are inherent things about these technologies and, more specifically, the way that people use them that flinch me every time. Maybe part of what bothers me is that I use these devices myself. And I am very conscious of every time I whip these things out in public. I never use my laptop on airplanes. I try to never whip out my cell phone in public and when I need to make a call I try to ferret out a remote corner as if I were engaging in an illegal drug deal instead of a telephone call. I ditched the ubiquitous Ipod earphones the minute I got them and exchanged them for more cheap looking ear cans. (This, however, might be quite justified now. Muggers in the UK are wising up and realizing Ipods have a very good resell value and the pure white earphones make then an easy target to catch. Article here.)

And with the MP3 player comes another quandary. I love the privacy that head phones give me while commuting and yet I feel that I should probably be more of a social traveler. But I justify myself because (1) I'm a misanthrope by nature and (2) I know I'm not missing much. I commuted most of my life without a portable stereo and my ride is much more enjoyable with music. So I don't think I'm missing much by ditching people and retiring into my music player. But yet, the drove and drove and drove of commuters with earphones is a bit frightening. Are we doomed to turn into a society of technology weilding commuters? With wireless connections become more and more available, will the train turn into a second office for some of us? Perhaps. And, sadly, I'll probably be along for the ride.

Coach of the Year

Hubie Brown has been named NBA coach of the year.

That man is old. Why do I know this? Because Dan and I were cracking jokes about him in Blazer News in the 6th grade. Let me repeat: 6th grade. I'm not sure when that was but it was a hell of a long time ago.

UPDATE: Did anybody catch the Spurs-Memphis pregame yesterday when he was given the award? Did he not look like a walking cadaver?

Behind the Scenes with Chlamydia

With the final version of Whisking with Chlamydia being finalized, we thought we'd give you a look at what you would have gotten had we not turned our recipe notes into hilariously readable recipes. Today's entry:

See if you can decode the recipes!

A Stupid Rant

I should be saving this for Whisking with Chlamydia but what is the deal with all the low fat and no fat yogurt these days? Why can't I buy a tub of FULL FAT PLAIN YOGURT? Now I think I know why people hate yogurt so much. They've been handed the crappy no fat kind for so long that they equate it with yogurt. Argh.

And when I can find it, it's one of those "organic" brands and costs 2-3 bucks more. Why can't President's Choice or Mi-Ti-Fine or one of those generic brands make a full fat plain yogurt instead of the no fat super custard vanilla creme caramel crap?

Once again, health conscious yuppies are ruining real food for the rest of us.

Pizza and Monkeys in East Portland

Blog's new article is up and it deals with the Organ Grinder Pizza Parlor. It seemed only a while ago that their commercials were ubiquitous on Northwest television. All I remember was the weird music, a zoom-in onto the main dining area, and a mysterious voice urging us all to come for pizza and fun. Oh, yeah, and did I mention the weird dancing puppets? My only vague recollection of the place was going to a birthday party in kindergarten and not speaking English. Rather sad commentary on my life.

Anyhoo, Blog's article is required reading for anybody who spent any significant time in Portland in the 80s. Hell, even if you don't meet that specification, read it anyway.

That Baseball Preview

Okay, we now resume our regularly unscheduled web logging. Enough with the design stuff for now.

A while back I attempted to do a baseball preview that went no where. Well, basically, I profiled the Cubs and gave obvious answers to unobvious questions. As I started to dust off that project I've noticed that the regular season has already begun. So instead of writing a superannuated piece, here's a link to McSweeney's predictions for next year which are a lot funnier than anything that I could write and probably contain a dallop more veracity to boot. Enjoy.

McSweeney's NL Preview
McSweeney's AL Preview

Well, What Do You Think?

I think that I like the way this current design of the site looks. What do you think?

The 100th Entry

Things may suddenly change on you as I experment with new site design ideas. If this happens, just breathe deeply and repeat the Pranja Paramita Sutra.

I Love What You Do For Me, Pornography

(Thanks to Keith Vanderpool for the song that inspired the title to this post.) So I'll bet that you didn't know that you're currently viewing one of America's finer porn sites. Let me explain. I installed a piece of monitoring software on my server called SmarterStats which analyzes the logs on my server dating to its inception (May 2003) and the information that it's giving me is quite astonishing. One of those facts is that the second most used search phrase to get to phooeyhoo.com is "sex video" followed by "video sex" and "sex men". And this is before I put up Flog™'s Vadge Badge. One side note on the placement of the vadge badge on this web log is that I think this is the first time a naked vagina and the Pranjaparamitahridaya Sutra have been coupled on the same page — ever. I might have to change the placement of that because it looks a little weird. Venerable sutra. Naked vagina. Venerable sutra. Naked vagina. Oh, well.

Anyway, here are the top ten phrases used to find phooeyhoo.com on the web.

1. math comedy
2. sex video
3. video sex
4. Sex Man
5. add it up
6. oregon we love dreamers
7. susanne summers thigh master
8. going, going, gone
9. magillicutty
10. whisking

And here are some other strange search phrases that SmarterStats dug up.

17. Princess Maker Download — The review has been up for just over a week and it's already up to number 17. Wow.

20. beethoven "Op. 109" analysis — Someone out there also appreciates the Op. 109.

22. Y0ung Girls — I'm not sure if the picture of Ed Magillicutty was what they were expecting.

24. chlamydia articles 2003 — I wonder if I should change the title of the cookbook? Nah!

26. "prevent pasta from sticking" — I hope they found the relevant section in the cookbook.

27. pm2.exe — Wow. They even searched for Princess Maker 2 by its executable. That's dedication.

35. butter of whether plain of fancy grilled cheese satisfied — ???

36. fat lady beat down — Again, ???

40. princess maker 2 slow — Another in the Princess Maker camp.

44. princess maker 2 game english download — Yet another in the Princess Maker camp.

57. Britney Spears/ black ancestry — How did they get directed to this page?

63. "dennis eckersley" and fuck — Sorry, but I have no Dennis Eckersley porn.

64. y0ung,hard and solo — They know what they want.

65. eating pussy tortilleria — How does that ... wait, I don't want to think about it.

69. "with our compliments. In the coming weeks, full versions
of Microsoft Office" — I guess I wasn't the only lucky person on that mailing list.

88. porn stars lptrixie — Trixie porn stars in Lincoln Park? I believe it.

92. Cover page of chlamydia — Was that you, Dave?

94. hairless pussy — They must not be referring to the vadge badge.

99. lordbritish — I'm glad there are others looking for our liege.

100. "princess maker" download — Encore.

103. what brooklyn schools will be closed thursday because of the snow — I feel bad. Perhaps I should have had the forsight to list the Brooklyn schools closed because of the snow.

105. screamin jay bio — This has to be Dave.

107. We set to sail on a pocket full of spice, rum and tea-leaves. We've
emptied out all the bars and the bowery hotels. Tell your daughters
do not walk the streets alone tonight Tell your daughters do not
walk the streets alone tonight. — That's good advice.

118. men video sex — They finally put the two phrases together. Good for them.

133. ninjas killing cows — I guess sometimes you're just bored on a Saturday night.

153. "Danny Youngs" Seattle — Did he open up a restaurant in Seattle?

158. princess maker 3 download — Sorry, we only have 2.

179. danimal oregon — Would Flog™ care to comment?

182. sex — They must have drilled down quite a way to find phooeyhoo.com.

189. jerkin off — But no dumping.

191. ph.d. constitution strength dexterity charisma wisdom intelligence — Traits that all Ph.D.'s should have.

199. homeowner insurance blacklist — Sadly, although I've thought about maintaining such a list, I've never gone about making it happen.

Well, there you have it. It also just occurred to me that this post will attract even more pornography hunters to phooeyhoo.com. I'm sure marketing will be pleased that we've up our pornography demographic, though.

Moblogs

Moblogs. They may be the next big thing. Be afraid!

As John Dvorak writes in his column, sites like textamerica and yafro are popping up to annoy the public. Running over all camera phones may not be an option, but there must be a way to stop the massive hoards of people who are taking random pictures and having them uploaded to their Moblog within minutes.

I haven't thought too much about camera phones and small digital phones because I honestly find them useless. A camera was included in the free phone I got from my cell phone provider. I've used it to take a picture of my cat to use as the background image. But these Moblogs quite frankly worry me. And not so much because people are taking really ugly pictures of themselves and having those posted. (Have a look for yourself at the two links above but BE WARNED.) But if the technology works in the way that Dvorak describes, you can take a picture of a random stranger and your camera automatically posts it to your Moblog on the web. Anyone else worried? No? Well, take a look at this:

Best Score Ever?

What happens when you have way too much time at work? You play Oregon Trail to get the best score ever!

Just try and beat that!

2.661?

I've upgraded Movable Type to 2.661. Hopefully, this will fix the dreaded comment problem that Flog™ has been having. I'm not sure what else it does so if you see a horrible flaw, be sure to let me know.

I'll put out a query to the known world: does anyone really know how the ThrottleComments feature works on Movable Type? It seems to discriminate rather randomly. I've even set

ThrottleSeconds 0

which theoretically should disable it because it means that you must post within 0 seconds of your last post to be banned which, if memory serves, is impossible! Argh, this is annoying. I'm going to bed.

Hi, Guys!

I knew that 12 was a high number. According to my poll from yesterday, I have 3 readers! The 12 must just be multiple hits from the 3 of you. Thanks, guys! And keep on refreshing those browsers!

Since I only have 3 readers I can do a Phillip J. Fry a la The Luck of the Fryish now!

Howard Stern is overrated!

That gay decorating show on Bravo is actually a banal disaster! The Carson guy who dressed people up is a big idiot!

The Yankees will not win the world series this year. Furthermore, Derek Jeter is the ugliest player in the American League!

Classic Gaming Redux: Oregon Trail

Inspired by the Princess Maker 2 review, I've decided to do a series on classic gaming. Today's entry: Oregon Trail.

I don't remember much about Hayhurst Elementary School. What I do remember is when you finished your work, you got to go to a green Apple IIE and play The Oregon Trail. Although beating the game might have been a goal in the early days, in latter days it was all about dying and engraving your name and a message in the gravestone, usually with appropriate obscenities.

Well, I lost my copy of the original Oregon Trail, but I do have Oregon Trail Deluxe which I shall review for you today.

The title screen for Oregon Trail Deluxe is remarkably more vivid and colorific than the original. I do miss the nostalgia of the green, however.

Starting the Game
This was always my favorite part of the game. Who to bring with you in your party? Usually, you had to put in the people who were playing the game with you but there were always a few wildcards that you fought over. Now that I'm in command of the ship, I can choose whomever I want! Ha, ha, ha! I'm mad with power!

It looks like there are a lot more occupations than I remembered. Of course, I have to choose the poorest one with no skills whatsoever. However, the addition of Jesus to the party should help. There was a character limit to adding party members so Lord British, Pat Buchanan, and Helen Keller had to be truncated. Why this triumvirate of power? Well, Lord British is a no brainer. Pat because he's hilarious on The McLaughlin Group. (I'm starting to agree more and more with what he says on the show. Am I turning into a conservative?) And finally Helen because, well, come on. She's Helen Keller. BTB, why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Moving right along ...

The buying menu has gotten a make over in the Deluxe edition. I finally remember why being a teacher sucks. Only $400 to get to Oregon. Obviously, bullets are the most important part of the journey. 5 oxen, a set of clothing for each person and one spare part each. That's okay, right?

Considering the party we're dealing with, we're going to need an early start, if we're going to make it at all. I elect to start us off in March.

The Gameplay

Whoa! Somebody get a monk! The main screen in Deluxe is vastly different from the original. Remember the old green oxen screen and the text? After setting our pace to grueling and rations to meager, we're ready to go! (Stragglers and malingers need not apply to Phooeyhoo's team of Westward Warriors.) We start the trail and not much happens until — shun tun tun! The dreaded question!

Yes, the dreaded question that haunts all Oregon bound travelers. Do you ford, caulk, or take a ferry? Never mind the fact that I didn't know what caulk meant when I was in second grade. But now, years later, with our more intelligent and erudite natures, let's go through the logic of this problem. Obviously, only pussies take the ferry. And there ain't no chary pussy in my band of merry men. So that's obviously out. Now then, to ford or to caulk. That is the question. According to the instructions, fording means to pull my wagon across shallow water with the oxen intact. Caulking means to seal with tar and try to float across. The river is 10 feet deep. 10 feet ain't that much. So the reasonable choice would be to ford. But we're living dangerously here so we're going to caulk this motherfucker across!

Success! Take that logic! We're off again!

Health is down to fair. But hey, nobody was in good health back in those days anyway.

Caulking across the blue river caused more problems but, sadly, no one was hurt. We travel onwards.

Our health goes from fair to poor past Fort Kearney. These fools need more food to eat. It's hunting time!

From this screen shot, it is patent that hunting in the Deluxe version is much easier than in the classic version. Who ever heard of 3 buffalo and 2 deer on the same screen? And all you have to do is point the mouse cursor and shoot. No having to maneuver a tiny little guy around the screen with the keyboard? Lame!

Things are okay as we approach Chimney Rock until Helen Keller becomes sick with typhoid fever.

But she'll have to tough it out with the rest of us. We have places to go. I'm determined to get us to Oregon by June with the record pace we're setting.

And just as Helen gets better, she gets sick again. That's what we get for bringing her along. At least we found some spare bullets.

Oh, Jesus! Jesus has the measles!

Well, duh! We're taking the shortcut. Got to be in Oregon before the Rose Vegetable Festival.

Disaster! I hate fires.

We're at Fort Hall and nothing eventful has happened. No dead members, no exigencies, nothing. Come on! Somebody die on me! Do I need to run out of food or something? It is at this point that I must make the following editorial comment: the deluxe edition is way too easy. The regular edition was merciless. This edition is as clement as a fuzzy Ally McBeal judge.

Despite making it past the Snake River with us, Jesus has died of typhoid fever. But we're not allowed to give him a gravestone. Or is that when the entire party dies? Damn.

The purple mountains already. And still no exciting drama. It's enough to turn a loud, drunk, choleric group of western warriors into a bunch of phlegmatic Zen Masters.

Ah, and just like that we're at the Dalles.

Obviously, we're taking the river. No one takes the toll road. Wasn't that enough to get you beat up on the playground back in the day?

Rafting down the river has much changed. As I recall, the classic edition didn't have this "3D" panoramic view. And before, your vehicle was the wagon of un-maneuverability +5. The Scooty Puff Junior, if you will. This time, you have the Ferrari or Scooty Puff Senior model. You can slide and sidle like a mad man. It's actually kind of fun, if a bit unrealistic and way too easy!

Hooray for Zoidberg!

Final Analysis
The Deluxe version of Oregon Trail is an enjoyable time. Sadly, it is only an enjoyable 10 - 15 minutes. As I've belabored often in this review, this version is way too easy. With mostly meager rations and a grueling pace, I managed to make it to Oregon in record time with only one casualty. I never remember it being this easy. Okay, you say. I'm 24 instead of 10 and that might have something to do with it. But I submit to you that the Phooeyhoo at 10 was much smarter and cooler than the Phooeyhoo now. The Phooeyhoo at 10 could throw a beautiful frisbee backhand. The Phooeyhoo of now is ashamed to admit that he can't.

Final Grade: B+

Despite being too easy, the game is well done and could actually be fun if you were trying to avoid doing 15 minutes of work at work or school. So what are you waiting for? Download it!

Poll Time!

This poll is here today because:

(1) I have no interesting things to web log about

(2) It's about time this web log had a meaningless poll

(3) Like, Flog™, I want to see how many people actually read this web log. That 12 that my site tracker is telling me seems awfully high.

Anyway, my Statement of Purpose worked and I fooled three grad schools into thinking that I would add to their community. In reality, I'll be leeching, leeching, leeching. So the poll question today asks, where should I go to school? Actually, the poll is totally worthless now since I've already decided. But pretend that I haven't and vote away.

Grad School

Where should Phooeyhoo go to grad school? Illinois Michigan Massachusetts Current Results