Remember Napster?

I sure don't. To be completely honest, I never used Napster because I was on a dial-up connection when the Napster craze hit. By the time I was back on broadband, it had died and I lived for a while on the Limewire-Bearshare-Kazaa Lite beast until all of those crapped out.

Anyway, John Dvorak gives a good analysis of how the "Napster business model" would have been a boon for the Recording Industry, had they embraced it:

Copy protection schemes, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, and lawsuits against file sharers are not going to save the music business. In fact, the opposite is true. I'm convinced that the shuttering of the original wide-open Napster almost four years ago was the beginning of the end for the recording industry. This is because Napster was not just an alternative distribution network; it was an alternative sampling system.

Although I'm not sure that the recording industry has seen its last days, Dvorak echoes my sentiments exactly when he deduces that Napster (and good P2P networks) was a great music sampling system. I bought many more CDs during the P2P days then I do now. Now, it's back to strictly classical music from Berkshire, but back then I would browse user's who had my musical interest and spend a night sampling music. The music I didn't like I deleted. I would listen to the stuff that sounded catchy and most of these were usually dumped within a few days. But I was left with a bunch of songs that I really did enjoy and I would find the respective artist and buy the album. Much better then having to go out to Virgin or some crappy place like that.

Anyway, the entire Dvorak article can be read here.

Spiffy Thing Number One

Chapter 2 of Whisking with Chlamydia is now completed and has been posted!

It is a minor update compared to the huge tomb that was Part the First, nonetheless, a worthwhile download. Typos and other crap were fixed in Part the First and Part the Second, while not as punch hard hilarous as Part the First, contains the most promised recipe for phô!

So get ready to go back into the kitchen and cook up a storm with your good friend Chlamydia. The last two chapters dealing with really fancy recipes, desserts, and beverages along with the appendices should be out within the next couple of months. Enjoy!

Oh, here's the link.

For Better Or For Worst

Warning: This is not the super spiffy thing that was previously alluded to.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about change and impermanence in the past couple of days. For some reason, there seems to be a lot of it in the air. That and the fact that many dear friends that I thought had disappeared off the face of the earth (Nicole) have visited within the last couple of months has been a catalyst for a wave of nostalgia unseen since Dave and I last talked. Sigh. Why can't I just accept impermanence like the Zen Masters? Maybe one day. But for now, for better or for worst, the mood of this web log might be different for a while. (Don't worry, those two super duper spiffy thingys are still planned for release this week.) Hopefully not for long and hopefully it will be an innocuous phase. But who really knows for sure except for some select Devas. (BTB, Dave and I found out during last vacation that Captain Haddock is a Deva. Wonder how many other people are?)

Anyway, here are just some weird random musings, notable quotations, and other stuff that I've heard over the last two months. No answers to any of them. Just musings. Read at your own risk.

• Why can't they make kids films as magical as The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Take Manhattan, Big Bird in Japan, and Kiki's Delivery Service (to name a few) anymore?
• Why can't any PC manufacturer make a laptop half as elegant as Apple?
• Why is there a Windows ME emulator for Windows XP?
• "Is Ralph Nader an idiot or is he just stupid?" — Keith Vanderpool
• Yet the enchainment of past and future
  Woven in the weakness of the changing body,
  Protects mankind from heaven and damnation
  Which flesh cannot endure.
  — T.S. Eliot, Burnt Norton from Four Quartets
• "... to point at the moon a finger is needed, but woe to those who take the finger for the moon ..." — Unknown
• "Whether an enlightened Zen master or an ignoramus of the first degree, neither can escape the so-called laws of nature." — D.T. Suzuki
• "At fifteen my mind was directed to study, and at thirty I knew where to stand." — Confucius
• Will nothing written before the annihilation of mankind be better than the Beethoven piano sonatas?
• "I saw an awful production of Streetwise a few years ago ..." — Phooeyhoo
• Carol: Is that a printer you're putting together?
  Phooeyhoo: No, 'tis a grand piano!
• Captain Haddock: Gentleman, take off your hats, please.
  Thompson Twins: Why should we take off our hats, Captain?
  Captain Haddock: Why to pray, of course.
  Thompson Twins: Oh, is it Sunday already?
  Captain Haddock: No. Because according to your calculations, we are standing in the middle of Westminster Abbey!
  — From Red Rackham's Treasure by Herge
• Why are newborns so loud and ugly?
• "He's friendly now. But when I'm asleep, he'll [Zorn] eat me!" — Nicole J. Howard
• It's been a long, long day
  I sure could use a friend
  Don't know what else to say
  I hate to abuse an old cliche
  But it's been a long, long day
  Its been a long, long day
  — Paul Simon, Long, Long Day
• The Blazers are undefeated when they score more points than their opponents.
• This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
  Almost unreal, yet, it's too soon to feel yet.
  Close to my soul, and yet so far away.
  I'm going to go back there someday.
  
  Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls.
  Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
  I've never been there, but I know the way.
  I'm going to go back there someday.
  — Gonzo from The Muppet Movie
• For I have known them all already, known them all:
  Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
  I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
  I know the voices dying with a dying fall
  Beneath the music from a farther room.
   So how should I presume
  — T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
• And I have known the arms already, known them all—
  Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
  [But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
  Is it perfume from a dress
  That makes me so digress?
  — T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
• Godel's theorem shows that within any branch of mathematics, there will always be some propositions that cannot be proved either true or false using the rules and axioms of that system.
• HEY! WHAT?!!? THE WHINERS!!!!!!!!

Of Postmodernists and Ninjas

Apparently I'm a tortured conceptual artist. You can find out what you are here.

The real question, however, is do you think that ninjas are totally sweet? I mean, so fucking completely sweet that they would make you crap in your pants? Then you have to check out this. Warning: You may want to take a brown baggy in case you expel your lunch while reading the site.

Excerebrose

One of the best (and only) listserves that I subscribe to is Wordsmith. Their word themes for the week are always quite humerous but this week's theme is a gem:

This week we offer five words you can safely use to describe your co-workers, associates, and others. Try these elegantly veiled insults without fear of offending. Just make sure your targets are not already AWAD subscribers.

Two Super Duper Thingys

A delay on the baseball preview but get ready for two super duper thingys this week. The first being what was alluded to in this post and the second one too super spiffy to say here.

Baseball Spring Preview — Phooeyhoo Style

Pitchers and catchers reported to spring training on February 18th kicking off another baseball season. Among the questions to be answered this year include:

• Will the Yankees' $200 Million+ payroll win it all or snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?
• Will Greg Maddux be enough to end almost 100 years of whining by Cubs fans?
• Will Red Sox fans finally stop whining with the acquisition of Curt Schilling?
• Will Phooeyhoo be able to go to a Cubs game and spend less than $100?
• Will the A's finally wise up and decide that only by spending money to get their team past the first round will they draw enough fans to Network Associates Coliseum so that they can move out of Network Associates Coliseum because it sucks?

Okay, so those are just my questions.

So in honor of the end of the Hot Stove season, Phooeyhoo brings you his in-depth and laconic analysis of next season. And by that we mean he's just going to talk and postulate about things that he gives a rat's ass about. So while you may find lots of ranting about Oakland and Chicago, this is not the place to be for in depth coverage of, say, the Milwaukee Brewers. With that said, let's start randomly with the NL Central.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs

Last Season: 88 - 74, 1st, Defeated Atlanta (3-2) in Division Series, Lost to Florida (4-3) in NLCS

Key Acquisitions: (RHP) Greg Maddux, (1B) Derrek Lee, (IF) Todd Walker, (RHP) LaTroy Hawkins

Key Losses: (CF) Kenny Lofton, (1B) Hee Seop Choi, (1B) Randall Simon, (1B) Eric Karros

Needs to Stay Healthy: The entire pitching staff

Needs to Stop Whining: Sammy Sosa

Phooeyhoo's Analysis: They came within five outs of starting a riot and endangering the safety of every car within a mile radius of Addison & Sheffield but the Devas proclaimed them unworthy last year. The squad that the Tribune group brings to play this year will have none of the excuses of last year to fall back upon if they don't win the NL Pennant.

The starting rotation is packed with four of the best young pitchers in the game (Prior, Wood, Zambrano, Clemente). And, oh yeah, there's also a guy 11 games shy of 300 wins and who has won at least 15 games every season since The Beer & Whiskey League was dissolved. The only weakness here is lack of a left handed starter and another finesse pitcher. But they might need that because Maddux will have such an impact on the rest of the starting pitching. The bullpen is much stronger than last year. LaTroy Hawkins brings a powerful right handed setup man. They bring back Joe Borowski whom I've never had much of a thing for but, hey, he's got a lot of good things going for him like he's . . . Polish. Riiiiiiiight. Maybe they can trade for Dennis Eckersley at the end of the season. But this team will live and die with its starting rotation. Don't get me wrong, the Cub offense is as potent as it will ever be, but if those five guys come together like the Baltimore and Oakland teams of old, it will be hard stopping this team.

The offense gets a much needed boost with the addition of Derrek Lee. Although last year's three headed first baseman named Choi-Karros-Simon was a pleasant surprise, I'll go with a regular first baseman who will hit 30-100 over a platoon squad any day. Todd Walker will be a marvelous addition to the offense if Dusty Baker can find out where to play him.

Finally, the only other factor for this team will be Sammy Sosa. They need him to stop whining, close down his strike zone, and be the needed superstar punch he was for them in the late 90s. For the Cubs to succeed, they need Sosa to get back the respect of days of old where nobody wanted to pitch to him.

Phooeyhoo's Prediction: The Cubs will finish with 95 wins and win the NL Central. We'll even go so far as to predict that all their starters will stay healthy and pitch them to the 2004 World Series. After that, the pendulum is to too cloudy to see.

To be continued . . .

Topless Tech Support

Instead of working or baking banana bread, my good friend Wilderness was looking around at Craig's List instead. Was it worth it? Well, it did ferret out this spicy advertisement.

---

TOPLESS TECHIE CHICK Can Fix Your Computer Problems!

Reply to: toplesstechie@mistresslydia.com
Date: Thu Dec 04 18:41:38 2003

I'll give you JUST THE KIND OF FIX you've been DREAMING about!

I can:
-DIAGNOSE the cause of that crippling SYSTEM SLOWDOWN (finally!)
-SCRUTINIZE your drives for DESTRUCTIVE viruses and/or spyware
-Backup CRUCIAL records, settings, and documents
-UPGRADE your inferior network (oh yeah, gimme WI-FI, Baby!)
-Implement a TIGHT new scurity protocol to keep DANGEROUS HACKERS at bay
-Code CUSTOM SCRIPTS to AUTOMATE repetetive browser tasks
-INSTRUCT basic *PRIVATE or GROUP* technical classes for many programs/platforms
-BUILD, MANTAIN, or OVERHAUL your business or personal website
-Install FASTER memory chips, drive(s), or processor(s) (even a whole new motherboard!)

...all while completely TOPLESS for YOUR ENJOYMENT!

This LUSCIOUS, SLIM & BUSTY *32D-endowed* geek girl is WELL-QUALIFIED to solve VIRTUALLY ANY computer-related HARDWARE, SOFTWARE, OR NETWORKING problem you're faced with. Why pay top dollar to some stinky old tech monkey when you can have a SEXY GIRL--with fabulous, all-natural, and (best of all!) *NEKKID tits*--fix it instead?

Serious inquiries only! Please email toplesstechie at mistresslydia.com for pic and rates...make sure to describe the nature of your technical requirements, including phone contact info and times to call/desired hours of service. Sorry, guys--NO SEX.

A Good Day to Be a Yankee Fan

They already have A-Rod. Is Maddux next? W-ABC New York thinks so. Stay tuned.

Also in the coming days ahead. What do you get when you cross a bunch of kids with an 80s pop queen? Stay tuned.

Oh My Fucking God!

Amy has just informed me that Barbie and Ken have broken up.

How much do I care about this? Not at all.

A Formula for Marriage?

With V day coming up, why not sit down with your significant other and write down some partial differential equations to define your relationship? Now that's the kind of foreplay we can all get excited about!

Personally, as much as PDEs excite me, I find the steps outlined in this film to be a far better prediction of marriage. (Note the marriage counselor's hair!)

Whether you agree or not with the above, I think that we can all agree that

∫ e^x = f(u)ⁿ

(Yes, I realize that mathematically it doesn't make sense without the dx!)

Will Fix PC For Loaf of Bread

For those of you living in Chicago, people still barter for things! Need your PC fixed? There's someone out there who will fix it for a loaf of bread. Want a postcard sent from Paris? Just give this person a dollar to finance their trip to France. The list goes on.

The Tide Has Finally Turned

After hours of struggling with mirror servers, I finally got my copy of Firefox. Now what's your excuse?

I have written before of my disdain for Microsoft's browser. And not just because most people have been misled by Microsoft's skullduggery into thinking that the little floating e icon is the Internet. "What do you mean by other browser? Why would I want to change Internets? I like this one just fine."

Well, after a little more then a day of using Firefox, I really feel that this one is going to change the browser wars. I haven't been this excited about a browser since, well, never. There was some excitement over Internet Explorer 5, but it proved to be overhyped. This ain't overhyped.

Okay, random thoughts while using the browser.

• All platforms compatible. Check. Firefox installed and works flawlessly in Windows, Mac OS X, and Linux. Very nice.
• Fast loading. Yes! This is by far the fastest browser that I have ever used in my life.
• But the clear clincher for me is that it works with all of the online banking, loan paying, etc sites that Firebird had problems with. Firebird already was my everyday browser but now I'm envisioning a future where I will never have to click on the dreaded Internet Exploder icon ever again. Huzzah!
• Most plugins load automatically now or will at least direct you to the site to download it. Also, Firefox registers with Windows and Mac OS X now so you don't have to go manually hunting for the directory. I know, that was a minor nitpick, but it's nice to have anyway. The best part, by far though? Java loads and installs automatically! Even Internet Exploder couldn't do that.
• There's now a download manager. I've never really seen the need for these but some of you might find it useful.
• All of the features, none of the bugs of Firebird. A lot of companies don't seem to get this one right in new releases. They take away good functionality, add bad functionality, and don't fix any of the bugs in the old versions! So far, Firefox hasn't crashed on any of the things that used to give Firebird and Phoenix (remember that?) rashes. One day I'll have to write a full rant on this about the state of Microsoft Word. Did we really need to upgrade past version 6.0?

That's it for now, but needless to say, this is the best browser that I have ever used bar none. Go out and get it today and be free from Internet Exploder!

Firefox

My favorite browser of all time, Firebird, has undergone a transformation and is now called Firefox. Only problem is — I can't download it because every geek in the world is trying at this very moment.

A full report once I can get the darn thing to download.

Celine Dione Cannot Be Used in a Court of Law

Flog edifies us all by writing that:

So now you know: the use of Celine Dion evidence in a criminal trial is appealable error. If your lawyer tries it, find a new one.

The entire post, which also includes uses of the word "poop", can be found here. Celine Dione always rubbed me the wrong way and now I have the Rule of Law to back me up! Huzzah!

Daffy Duck, Meet Star Wars

I'm sure you've read about the Star Wars Kid from other sources. And far be it from me to say anything about the poor kid because, Lord British, that could have been any geek — but the Daffy Duck remix of the video is an exercise in hilarity.

You'll want to download the link to disk, unless you want Windows Media Player to take five hours to load it.

Here it is.

Are Mac Users Nuttier Than Fruitcakes?

Before I begin, let me say that I use both an Ipod and an Aluminum Powerbook. Are they pretty? Absolutely! Do I obsess over them? Hell, no! What would I do if someone derided me for them? Probably go back to baking my tart. Which is why I've never understood the die hard Mac community that comes to the defense of their beloved product as if the fate of their eternal souls were at stake.

And that's exactly what happened when a PC tech named Andy posted an article to Overclockers that was intended as a joke. Andy took a Mac G5 case and filled it with PC parts, took photos, and claimed that he had turned a Mac into a PC. What followed was nothing short of a deluge of hate mail, death threats, and other assorted goodies. Read about it here.

Maybe I'm not supposed to understand it. How is it that people now identify themselves with the objects that they use? Sure I eat tofu and drink soy milk (the real kind that you get from your local Oriental grocer. Not that Soy Silk Crap they used to serve at the Woodward cafeteria) But do I suddenly identify my Soy Milk Drinking with a giant chip on my shoulder to help PETA? Hell, no! So why should products be any different? I use things because they're useful to me in my everyday life.

I wonder what I am if I'm to associate my true nature with my product usage? In terms of computers I use two custom made PCs at home — one has Windows XP Pro on it, the other has Linux. I have a Dell Server that's running my e-mail and this lovely site. I use an Apple Powerbook for my mobile computing needs and I run a PC network at work that also includes a couple of Macs and Unix boxes. I guess just call me Benedict Arnold!

But the point (if there is one to be made at all) is if you're actually wasting time out of your life to write someone a death threat because you disapprove of their choice in products, then you really need to get a life. I guess the same thing could be said if you waste your time web logging about other people doing it. Thus damned to eternal torment in hell, I leave you all to your veil of tears and torment.