This poo lasted for, like, months. It was the longest poo-taking in all recorded history! Such a good thing the internet was here to record the details!

Also, for some strange and unknown and not at all crazy or neurotic reason, I need to go wash my hands and face for about an hour now.

Also! My god, man! Eat more fiber! Or fibre! Fiber is preferable, but even fibre will do!

All this is to say something other than this: this story has made me rethink all my previous poos taken in public, and I am now remembering, With Horror, all the previous poos of my life, and praying there was no one listening. When a person dies, I bet it's not Their Life, specifically that flashes before their eyes, BUT RATHER THEIR POOS.

I apologize for the effects of this story. For me, it has been therapy-ey.

I think I'll be OK, it may have been the v-o-d-k-a as well.

Wait, what, vodka? I said nothing about vodka!

That was quite the epic. Thankfully my workplace has numerous bathrooms, some of them private and intended for the handicapped but rarely used. They're a godsend during poo-related emergencies.

Doesn't your workplace have an old bottle of bleach lying around somewhere? That might show that stain who's boss.